True Punishment in a Dom/sub Relationship

A punishment is unpleasant. It’s an aversive stimulus. The best punishments of a slave or sub are those unpleasant events that have no erotic potential at all. These not sexy; it’s not erotic; the stimulus is aversive only, and should be that way. Not being allowed to use any Internet or smartphone for, say, 24 hours is a jolt. 48 hours would feel like a harsh and almost ruthless deprivation. It’s not the same as a spanking, where it hurts but there is also lots of stimulation that is pleasurable, sensual. In fact, in some Dom/sub dyads, where the incentives aren’t aligned right, the slave misbehaves because he wants whatever punishment the Dom is giving. Spanking, especially, is often erotically satisfying to a misbehaving slave.

Loss of Privileges

The answer is often loss of privileges. There’s nothing erotic about not being allowed use of the Internet or about only being allowed use of the smartphone for making phone calls and sending business-related texts. (Parental control software for smartphones, originally designed to keep kids from doing anything other than G-rated activities and to allow parents to supervise all of children’s typed or written communications, can be converted to use in policing a slave’s use of his or her smartphone; see below.) There’s nothing erotic about having to forego dinner, or about having to eat bland food while everyone else in the household is cooked a delicious dinner. (My own Master’s preferred punishment, this way, is to make me prepare a pot of plain white rice without butter or salt, to which he adds, as a kind of anti-condiment, a dose of his own piss. “Rice with piss,” this punishment is called, and it’s erotic to me when I think of it, but the reality is no fun.)

Common Misconceptions

But misconceptions abound. Take, for example, the webpage Mystim.com, which, under its section entitled BDSM Punishments, lists spanking, figging, tickle torture, rimming, bastinado, electrical stimulation, “human furniture or forniphilia,” and “diaper penalty.” Not one of these suggestions is a good punishment. Many submissives find spanking, tickle torture, rimming, bastinado, electrical stimulation, and “diaper penalty” (also called “loss of toilet privileges”) erotic. Figging (inserting a piece of peeled ginger into the anus of the slave) results in intense pain, as does the application of other irritants, such as Ben-Gay, Tiger Balm, and Icy Hot. Forniphilia (the practice of making or becoming human furniture; erotic performance artist Jeff Gord first coined it) is also erotic. Well, Mystim.com is a commercial site that is trying to sell the viewer electrostim devices. Consider the source.

Avoid the Silent Treatment

Especially dangerous is the use of strategic withdrawal of contact with the Master or other slaves, the use of the “silent treatment” or isolation, for example. For me this is absolutely verboten; it’s one of my limits. My abusive stepfather practiced the silent treatment, also called “shunning,” and apparently popular as a use of punishment in Amish or Mennonite communities, indiscriminately. He took out his anger at life on me by “getting quiet” or being “curt” with me on any flimsy pretext, and I not only grew to…

Examples of Good Punishments

Other good punishments are:

1. Early bedtime confinement: Having to go to bed early (say 5:00 p.m.) and remain in bed until 7:00 the next day. No entertainments. No leaving the bed for any reason, so diaper must be worn. Underneath, a cock cage and a very sizable plug, at the very least.

2. Internet restriction: Being disallowed use of the Internet, at home anyway, for several days. This can be accomplished via remote access of my router or, more safely, via TeamViewer. Or I could just be trusted…

3. Bland diet: Nothing but gross whey smoothies to eat and tap water to drink for a several-day period.

4. Chore completion: Having to do most or all outstanding chores and errands, all at once.

Discipline vs. Punishment

There’s an important distinction between discipline and punishment:

Discipline - Absolutely Necessary

• Cock cage 24/7
• Every night plugged
• No climaxing without permission
• No sexual activity with others without permission

Discipline - Frequent

• Entries in slave journal
• Meditation (while standing in the corner)
• Describing my slave nature to others, either people known to me or strangers
• Observation and control over intimate choices
• Use of bathroom, spending money, eating, personal appearance, use of computer and Internet

The key to effective punishment is making it genuinely aversive, not accidentally rewarding. Understanding this distinction is essential for any serious power exchange relationship.